Blue

Salam :)

I am seriously tired. Dulu2 pun selalu je travel macam ni, oke je. Ni letih gilaa. Kaki rasa bengkak, mata panas, kepala pening. Haih. Apehall la pulak haaa.

Btw, the family pegi Kota Bharu for a cousin's wedding. Secara tepatnya di Wakaf Bharu. Kelantan bukanlah satu tempat wajib untuk dikunjungi kalau tak ada events, weddings etc2, walaupun sedara mara boleh tahan banyakkkkk kat sana. Tapi it is never too late to know where your family is kan? :)

Arrived at around 1230 kat rumah pengantin (majlis menyambut menantu sebenarnya ni, nikah 12/6 kat KL), stay sampai kul 2pm++ then ibu ajak ayah pusing2 KB. I was thinking of buying some selendang sebab well, jalan dengan ibu and ayah kan, he he he, free stuffs lahh. It was Saturday, KB was pretttyyy busyy tapi sebab ayah tau intention saya nak pergi pasar tu sebab nak cari selendang, so dia usahakan jugak. Alhamdulillah dapat parking betul2 depan pasar, tapi tak pergi pasar pun. P kat kedai selendang seberang jalan. Dapat laaa 3 helai, Alhamdulillah. Thanks ibu, ayah! Lg best, dapat keep the change HAHAHAHAHA. Dan ini smua berlaku kurang dari 20min. Pantas kan kitorang shopping? :))

So around 3pm++ , gerak balik KT with pit stops at Sate Lanang dekat Permaisuri. Sedappp, n nasib baik tak ramai orang so boleh makan rilex2. Kalau tak sumbat sumbat sumbat sebab kesian ramai orang tunggu nak dapat table.

Arrived at home around 7, after dropping Maktuk and Makteh at their house and hantar sate kat kawan ayah. Try2 selendang baru, freshen up, makan sate lagi, tgk Jangan Lupa Lirik, then bloggingz.

And Im beat. Trun bawah isi air dalam botol dulu. Jom2.

Regards, Qila

I shall not..

Salam :)

Menyambung ayat di atas..

I shall not...

• Buy anything unnecessary online. Offline boleh, sebab does not pakai my moneyhhhh.
• Surf at blogshops yang jual bee-yuuu-ti-fulll selendangs :(
• Spend the duit I put aside for something-something.

Yang lain akan ditambah. Macam banyak ni.. Haahhaa

Regards,Qila

short

Salam :)

Keseronokan sekarang adalah menonton tutorial pemakaian selendang di youtube. Wehehheeheh.

And today, no jogging, we're cleaning the houseeee.

And yeah i miss Gee.

Regards, Qila

=.=

senget sebelah kanan..

centre kejap..

everything in between

Salam.

Gambar2 diambil menerusi webcam sebelum ber-GCB bersama the girls. Pics2 semasa ber-GCB xde sebab malas dan kondisi gelap. *sigh*

Btw, GCB BESTTTTT!!!!! 

And sekarang nak install anti-virus dalam netbook ibu. So cute the netbook. Nak boleh? Pretty pleeassseeee?

Have a nice nice nice day ppl :))

Regards, Qila

1st

Salam. :)

I was thinking of going out to UMT's Pesta Konvo today. Tapi bila mengingatkan minyak ada lagi 2 bar (ibu cakap 2 bar tu boleh sampai Dungun, tapi dengan cara pemanduan saya, maybe sampai Chendering je kot. Brake, Gas, Brake, Gas, Emergency Brake.. Repeat) so takpelah, cancel.

So ajak la the girls to eat GCB at McD for maybe lunch tomorrow tapi the girls ada yang puasa, so kalau nak kua pun after Maghrib. So am not driving tomorrow, malam2 tak boleh drive lagiii.. *sigh*

And tomorrow is the first 1000km/ a month service for Cucoq. Awww... dah sebuulan.. and dah 1000km dia jalan.. *teary-eyed*

Well maybe macam gedik tak hengat tapi dis is a really big deal for me. Just like formatting my laptop. I think the  slowness of my laptop really is the identity of it. Haha. Pls dont say judge a laptop by its owner, I am not slow okay. Bila nak format I have to think of all these softwares that I need to install back. iTunes, printers, PC Suite for Nokia, Skype, GTalk etc etc. So benda renyah ni la yang I hateeee so much. Grr. Ni lah padahnya malas update anti-virus. :(

So Ill be getting the laptop tomorrow, tgk lah apa yang berubah. Grrrrrr.

p/s: Macam mana nak stop makan nasi? I loveee nasi so much. Haih.
p/s2: Buat pengat durian tadi. SEDAPPP.
p/s3: Digicam dah berjaya diformat. YEAYYYY

Regards, Qila

Growing up. :(

Salam :)

Oh why oh why my wireless wont give me its signal right now?? Mungkin kah sebab saya suka2 hati off on off on dia tadi? Wireless, you should not be that demanding okayyy. Pffts. So sekarang I am stuck using good ol broadband.. Nasib ada bb.

So right now, its raining here in KT, lebatttt okay. Its slightly cooler than before. Yayy. Tak pegi jogging, ibu was tired so stayed at home, masak nasi and then goreng2 for dinner.

Soooo perhaps Ill go through major changes in life, I still cant accept it, and wish that something, anything would happen to prevent me from going anywhere I am going. I actually dreamt of being a lazy ass sampai perhaps after raya so to decide on something that is going to happen in the near, near, near future is kinda.. shocking. I planned with ibu to cook good healthy food during Puasa. To remind each other of not eating to much, see I planned that I will be a bibik for at least a couple more months. So to have that dreams crushed, Im somewhat is removed from the safety zone, and will be thrown to the place of 'Making New Changes'. Doesnt seem nice does it. Well it have some perks, mainly GEE. Tapi.. Although its a real good thing.. Tapi.. You know when everything is right, when people ask u what's holding you back and you got no answer for that, TAPI, you had this feeling that sounds like.. 'Is this the thing that I am going to do? Now?' Plus home is so far away.. I thought Id get over it, well its been 4 years already but I am still daddys little girl and hatessss to be away from home. Plus, Iv get used to every luxury I have here. Argh.

But there's still time to take back everything. Ill just have to, Ive thought about it again, and Im sorry I couldnt take it. And ill be happy. Right?

Dem.

Regards, Qila

Just come back when you think its time.

Regards, Qila

tell me.

Salam. :|

I cant do this on my own.
I have feelings, too.
Put urself in my shoes.
Then you'll know.
That some words can hurt me.
Some actions can make me cry.
I thought you knew that, I thought you'd understand.

U could be patient once, longg ago.
Why can't you now?
Why can't you be patient with me?
What is different now, the time dulu dan sekarang, atau the person?
What changed?

Tell me, tell me now.
Ill try, I promise you that.
But will you try, too?
For me, for you?

So smile and get ready to face the world, because no one needs to know how you feel. :)

Regards, Qila

Ingatkan aku..

 Salam :)


Ana Raffali - Tolong Ingatkan Aku

Jangan disusun kata-kata penamat
Jangan disebut baris ayat keramat
Biar lenyap diserap sunyi
Biar senyap yang tak menyepi

Tolong ingatkan aku
Kisah kau tersedar
Dengan saku penyeluk masa

Mari patahkan papan markah lama
Mari padamkan buku tiga lima
Biar luka sembuh sendiri
Biar lupa dimakan hari

Tolong ingatkan aku
Kisah kau tersedar
Dengan saku penyeluk masa
Kau dampingi aku
Setiap detik jantungku berdetak
Setiap nota jiwaku berlagu-lagu

Bila marah merasuk minda
Kecewa menyelubungi jiwa
Aku lupa

Tolong ingatkan aku
Kisah ku tersedar
Dengan kasih memeluk rasa
Ku teringatkanmu
Setiap detik jantungku berdetak
Setiap nota jiwaku berlagu-lagu

Tolong ingatkan aku kisah kita
Tolong ingatkan aku
Kisah ku tersedar
Dengan kasih memeluk rasa

Tolong ingatkan aku
Kisah kita

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yes I may forget.
You may, too.
But pls promise me that you will be there to remind me

of the time when I gave u the 'ice cream', it was during our Construction class.

of the time when we ignored the lecturers in front and SMS non-stop, although u are just 4-5 rows behind me, kesian Prof Amin-Corrosion :)

of the days where we wake each other for sahur and gtalk till morning

of the times I cried because of my project and u were there, u are always there, to scold or to soothe, tapi u are always there.

of the late night cruising along the highway

of the talks we had, about the past, present and future

of the plans we had for many, many things

of the promises we made to each other.

Pls, do remind me. And I promise I will be ur reminder too.

I love you, but then sometimes, I can be a pain in the arse, and you.. well you can too. HAHA. So, whenever we feel sooo mad at each other, whenever we feel like giving up, remember what we have, remember the good times, remember the lessons. And Ill know we'll be okay.

Reminiscene is nice. Falling in love is nice. So I wont stop. :)

Regards, Qila

The past, approx 5 years ago.

Salam :)

It was my matriculation sem break, 5 years ago. I didnt remember the exact date, but I remember the time and the emotions perfectly. It was during lunch, ayah just got back from work. I rushed downstairs as I always did, to greet him and to prepare our lunch, shop bought of course hehe. He called me and excitedly gave me this envelope, well it looked very official to me. With UiTM stamped on the left corner of the envelope. I was excited too, perhaps its the offer letter Ive been waiting for, the one that will save me from matriculation, because to be honest, Ive had a HARD time coping there. It was actually an offer letter for Diploma in Civil Engineering. I was sooooo happy, until I finally digested where I am sent. It was in Kampus Samarahan. The feeling was gone in a poof. I love the course, but am I willing to be that far away, will I be okay there? For my parents, the offer was just a back up plan, but for me it was my ticket to be release from matric. The matric was not that bad, its just that I cant coped, I actually got Fs for tests and I cant believe I got that particular letter. I wasnt a straight A student mind you, but I am not failing either. To get F, its just plain depressing. :(

Iv written to UiTM, formally to change my campus, but then they said I have to study there for at least 1 sem, and then they will probably transfer me. I cant take that risk, nothing is certain, so I put UiTM at the back of my mind, packed my bags and left for Gambang.

Sometimes I wonder, what if I go for the offer, leave everything in the peninsular and start over. Will I get transferred after 1 sem? The only reason I applied for UiTM is because I wanted an easy way out, a new start and hopefully nearer to my friends and boyfriend back then. I realized with each passing days, months and years, it was my heart talking, not my head thinking. I was 17 at that time, and luckily, my parents showed me the pro and cons. Well there is no pros actually, only cons. So UiTM no more.

After finishing matrics, and gotten the results, I am glad I stayed for the rest of the year. Not becos I aced my exams. My results were catastrophic. It was reallllllyyy badddd. But I realized, I still have my friends, matrics and those in the UiTM, I broke up with my boyfriend back then which I would leave matrics for(ultimate stupidity), and I have grown so much more. At 17, relationships are often build based on companionship, when both of the parties are not in the same class anymore, whats left is just the memories, and at 17, that wouldnt last long.

So now, 5 years later, after finding the same envelope being buried under 10 layers of books and papers, I could say I did not regret saying NO to UiTM. I am having my convocation in less that 3 weeks, I got family, loved ones, friends all around me. I have my whole life in front of me. I am contented. Perhaps that is not my rezeki to go to the uni, but maybe in the future, who knows. :)

Regards, Qila

Hujan.

Salam :)

Alhamdulillah, 2-3 hari ni turun jugak hujan. Sejukk.

Baru lepas layan umi and ayyman dtg rumah. Tengah duk melangut atas katil, and then terasa nak buat sardine roll. It was 615pm. Memang agak lambat la bagi saya untuk start wat bnda2 alah ni kalau dah pukul 6 lbh. Tapi nak buat jugak. Potong bawang, cili, bukak tin sardin, sapu butter kat roti, pecah telur and then heat up minyak. Baru nak start golek roti dalam telur dengar suara budak kecik asemekomm asemekomm. Intai punya intai hehe, ayyman :)

Bukak pintu ajak masuk, and then buat air and goreng2. Oke la at least ada something nk hidang. Maybe mmg terasa kot ada orang nak datang.. Heee. So ayyman tak makan pun sardin roll hampeh, dia makan kinder bueno 2 batang and then sebijik ferrero rocher gilerk ah ini budak. Tu pun kalau boleh nak lagi, tapi sebab saya adalah orang yang sayangkan gigi, saya cakap, dah banyak benda manis, dah tak boleh dahhh. Minum air sejuk banyak2. Hee. Saya sgt2 pentingkan penjagaan gigi yaww. Alhamdulillah jgak dikurniakn gigi yang sempurnaaa. :))

Hari ni sangat produktif, sebab start pagi pegi jogging. Then siang ayam. Then masak for lunch. Then kemas bilik. My room used to be filled with posters, u name it Ashlee Simpson's, Good Charlotte's, Linkin Park's(wait its still there duhh), Avril Lavigne and moreee tapi tadi semua dah diturunkan and selamat DIKOYAKKAN. Xcept 1 Emily The Strange punya poster, its big and dear sista brought it back from London, so lipat elok2 and simpan mana2 lahh. So bilik sekarang dah neutral utk di hias kembali.

I dislike mengemas. I mean Im good at it, tapi saya pemalas. But I loveeee to cook. Being in the kitchen. But the tidying up afterwards, no I dontch like. Suruh masak apa je, buat apa je, Im up for it, tapi untuk mengemas, plsssssss. Ill do it, only sebab I have to. Huuu.

So Gee will be seeing his nephew, and will not be able to webcam. Ill be keeping myself company throughout his abscence. Argh. Deal with it okayyy.

Misi hari esok, mencari tudung bling2. yayyyyy. :))))

p/s: Minute Maid's Mixed fruit is aweeesoommeeeee. SEDAP!

Regards, Qila

Gifts and Presents

Salam :)

FYI kat KT dah laaaammaa tak hujan. Is it true kat PERLIS selalu hujan sekarang? Demm. Kenapa bila dah tak akan kembali ke sana baru nak hujannn? Perhaps sebab manusia2 yang banyak dosa dah blah dari tanah Perlis so hujan turun la.. Kot? Hahah. Kat sini panas macam toott and peluh tu memang tak hingat laaaa :(

So Sabtu lepas telah ke tanah Kuantan selepas beberapa tahun tak ke sana fiuhh and misi menghantar adik serta mencari kasut Konvo telah berjayaaa. Yaaayyy. Cuma sekrang kena lembutkan kasut tu means I have to walk around the house wearing the shoez so masa hari kejadian aka D-Day aka Convocation day kaki saya takkan melecet atau tergelecoh. Have to get used to it babes. Kaki saya sgt lah senstif, especially at the heels because kebanyakan kasut akan membuat ia melecet. So saya sgt jeles kepada mereka yang boleh memakai apa sahaja jenis kasut tanpa melecet huu. I can only wear suede or very2 soft cloth material shoes/flats. Dah pernah ada kejadian where I wore this one shoe pegi lecture, serius dah gigit the shoes EVERYWHERE and I thought it was soft enough tapi guess what? I thought wrong. Pegi lecture okay lagi, balik lecture I was screaming and practically crying menitik2 air mata sebab sakit sangat. Tobat dah tak pakai the shoes walaupun CANTIK GILAA. This actually happens in Jakarta sebab I need to walk around 15 minutes to get to campus so bayangkan la apa yang saya rasa the whole 15 minutes balik tu. Rasanya dalam jugak lah kuku saya benam kat tangan Anis haritu.. Hee. Sorrrry Anis :))) After that incident, saya telah berjanji kepada diri sendiri untuk tidak membiarkan lagi kaki ni sakit melecet. Hence the process of making the leather on my shoes soften. :) Plus ibu cakap kalau sapu lilin it will be better. Nanti la cuba.

Because of my Convo kurung is green with red flowers.. with brown tones and stuffs, kasut yang dibeli adalah berwarna tan. Dan disebabkan syarat di dalam buku konvo menyatakan

KASUT BERTUMIT DAN BERTUTUP

saya dengan happynya membeli sepasang wedges yang sgt comelllz. I actually visualised first how I wanted to look on the D-day, so 2/3 of my looks are completed. Sekarang have to find the scarf pulak. I am thinking of buying a darker shade of tan to match with the kurung and shoes. Yang pasti nak yang ada BLING2 so atas pentas nanti boleh nampak ya aa awww. EXCITED oke. Beg konvo dah ada. Tapi tak kira baru sebab dah pakai. Gerammm sgt. He he he.

Alhamdulillah nasib baikkk ibu and ayah menge-share ke-excited-an ni. He he he. Kalau tak ada nak kena terajang je bila tunjuk nak macam2. Hahhaahah. They are happy Im graduating, I know that. Alhamdulillahhhh :))

Dan untuk the ultimate present that I got sempena my birthday and convo. CCQ + the trust :) Konfirm birthday2 lepas ni PLS JANGAN HARAP nak hadiah lagi. Jangan sebut langsung. Kalau boleh buat2 tak ingat je birthday tu. Tak payah hint2. Okay perhaps I deserve a slice of cake.. Or a birthday dinner. He he he.

p/s: sekarang is addicted to Giant's First Choice Apple and Promegranate Juice. Nyummmyyy. And sangat sedap kalau buat pudding punya kuah. Nyammmm

Regards, Qila

:)

Salam :)

So the new image. Hm. Perhaps too sudden tapi nothing is too sudden. What concern me is that my before pics are everywhere. I cant control what other people upload nor I want to hide what I have uploaded of the before pics, but I will no longer distribute other pics that shows what I have covered, namely my hair. 

Saya bukan baik sangat, and saya juga ada memori dan kenangan tentang perkara2 yang lepas, and paling penting I share those moments with the people I care about, its not fair for them to be restricted just because of me. This is what I feel, so perhaps its not the best of ideas, but, that is me. 

So dalam usaha untuk menukar gambar2 seboleh mungkin. Menjadi lebih baik is never too hard. Cuma terletak atas awak je nak atau tak nak. Saya dah lama cakap tak nak, its nice to finally say nak. 

The smile on my parents face. The words of dear sister 'SERIUSSS?' hahah. The questions and Alhamdulillahs from the boyfriend. Hehe. You guys made my day. Am doing this for the people I love, am doing all of this for me. 

I just want to be better. :)

p/s : meet Cucoq. He's so white he sparkles hehehe

Regards, Qila

Thoughts, thoughts

Salam :)

The thought of having confidence in someone replying my texts patiently makes me feel warm.

The thought of having both of my parents being in the same home makes me calm.

The thought that both of my sisters are getting on well with life makes me feel at ease.

But most importantly, the thought of my loved ones are happy, makes me happy.

Alhamdulillah.

p/s : am cherishing the NOW, because LATER, who knows what will happen.

Regards, Qila

~!

Salam :)

Hari yang produktif. A start to a new phase. Banyak nak update, things to upload. But then the cable's downstairs and although I am trying to keep being on my toes, going downstairs seems so far, so nanti lah okay? :)

Mencuba untuk menjadi seorang driver yang baik. InsyaAllah.

Misi 7 Ogos starts today. Sempat tak sempat belakang cerita. Ill just go with the flow. Harap2 dapat capai target, InsyaAllah.

Later loves

Regards, Qila

tak berani call the parents.

i may cry. a lot. and they'll wonder what's wrong.

and ill lie, saying nothing's wrong.

so i dont call.

and pretend i am allright.

U SHOULDNT FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE.

JUST FOR YOUR INFO,

I AM FIRE.

Regards, Qila

Hell talks

Dear blog,

How are you? Im fine btw, not really fine, but still breathing, and I thank God for that. I am at the mo is sick, well biasalah flu, batuk and demam. With super headache. And my gums are swollen too. Set Komplit. Who could ask for more? :)

I finished my exams, but then, the sense of being free is not that liberating. I left half of my exams sheets empty and I know the lecturers will be quick with my sheets, its that empty. Well, its done. I dont have anyone else to blame it on but myself. Blog, never blame anyone else tau. Kalau something happens, blame yourself first. Maybe You are the reason it happens. And never be ashamed of saying sorry. It is allowed. And apologizes should always be accepted, because you never knew how hard for a person to just say the word 'SORRY'. So think of the other person efforts too okay?

Lately I have been whining a lot. And I have tell it all to you. That is not me, whining all the time. I hope I wont be that person forever. Because it may make some people hate me. I hate people hating me. I keep on thinking that sometimes, we do what we do. We just do. We dont need to think why we do this, why we do that. Should we keep explaining ourselves? Especially when its involving someones life, heart, feeling? The term is 'menjaga hati'. What people dont know, wont hurt them, the phrase is not wrong, kan?

I have been living 22 years of not explaining every single thing that I do. I just do. But perhaps in the 22nd year of my life, I need to start explaining. Explaining is a hard job y'all. Macam kerja cikgu. Its tough okay. My mum is a teacher, and she comes home exhausted every single day because her energy has been sucked out while giving knowledge to the hyperactive kids. I guess I hate explaining. I was never a talker, thats why I sucked at public speaking, or impromptu speech. I hate explaining. And I never had too much idea about things. I dont know how to elaborate and piece things together. So thats a career I have to cross out. Private Investigator.

There I go again, whining away. Guess the new me is staying here for a while after all. My mum used to say I am her most stubborn child, and I myself know, that trait is improving by the years.

So blog, just finishing and I just wanna say, Chill lah.

Regards, Qila

Nota #1

Siri Nota adalah siri untuk peringatan kepada diri sendiri.

SILA BELAJAR MEMBUANG SIFAT MANJA ANDA. ORANG TAK SUKA LAYAN. HARAP MAKLUM PADA DIRI SENDIRI.

Sekian.

dear parents.

Ibu dengan ayah pesan belajar elok-elok.
And I am going to do just that for tomorrow.

Sorry ibu, ayah. Qila kadang-kadang leka.

I miss you both so so much.

I burnt my finger. It hurts. Ill keep sucking my finger until it feels numb. And perhaps Ill sleep over it. I promise I'll call tomorrow. Talking just now for 2:33 minutes just doesnt cut it. I miss you both.

All I ever wanted was to make you both happy, and I will. I promise I will.

For everything ive done wrong, I am sorry, and I love u both so much.

Humbly and sincerely.
your middle daughter.

rojaks

 Gee masakkkk. Haha

 Donashiiii. Sedapp

 

 The tipu casio watches, I think they give me rashes. Argh. The silver one is the original one :)

 

 makanan seronok di kala sakit nak demam. twiggies and FULL CREAM milk :)). Fatty fattyyyy

 

 The kelabu and the abang. Pweety, tengah dibasuh beraknya haih.

 Salam :)

Not much too write, im in the middle of studying because tonight i am going to partee soo malas nak baca malam. am pulun-ing in the day. tak kesah dah kalau fail pun, I CAN GRAD ALREADY! am not coming back unless for convocation yeehaa. its raining and i hope our bbq is still on haih. i miss my bf but he is sleeping bcos he already had his last exam. my feet is fast asleep and i hate the semut2 feeling afterwards. am bloated with cadbury bytes and delicia butterscotch. i need a home cook meal that i cook myself and i need to get myself organized. i have tons of things lined up for me once i stepped on KT soil, namely learn to drive, catching up with my bffs and also job seeking. im giving myself tempoh until end of this year, no job, means im going to further. that way i will have my master before i am 25 i'Allah. if got job, will be very kedekut bcos have to divide the money. PARENTS, PTPTU woops PTPTN, car loans, FUEL haih, neccesities (hope ill get a job in KT if not have to pay house rent summo), AQILAH-for president fund and future savings. Many responsibilities and I am just 22 huwaa. Help, i need a future planner, job planner, life planner and budget planner, ASAP. not complaining about my life, so far its been a bliss, tapi sooner or later i have to be my own person and i dont have the luxury to just take a year off and go backpacking or go for a journey of soulsearching. those are craps, they only want to delay the process of being an adult. after a year, 2 years, XX years if u still dont find 'yourself' what do r u gonna do? be someone else? now u got my point kan, soulsearching is crap. haha. bitter la today ish. 

so whats your graduation story? tee hee.

btw nescafe black roast tak sedap. and did i tell i save rm300 due to my saman being taken care of? yay. saving. now have to diet if not will have to SPEND BANYAK DUIT DUE TO NEW CLOTHES. the old ones wont fit anymore. i sayang my old clothes, nak pakai NAK PAKAI NAK PAKAIII. have harus wajib perlu muat old clothes. support sikit pls ppl. nak look stunning time convo. so boyfriend will be very proud and sayang me more. and the other boys can just look and gigit their jari knowing i am soo happilyyy takennnn.

ngarot dah, i need to study fluid. sori 4 the rojak entry, i am not stable at the mo.

lagu usher yeah tenet te net, tenet te net. I LOVEEEEEE

Regards, Qila