Ruins.

Salam :(

When you spent a lifetime trying to figure out things on your own, you tend to try and solve your problems by yourself. Trying to figure out what feelings you are feeling at a time. You just know it sure dont feel good, and it affects the people around you, the people you love, the people that you swore to yourself you will try to make them happy, happier than you have ever been, the people you care about. But when you try to do things by yourself, people feel like you are shutting them out, it doesnot mean that you are ignoring their efforts, perhaps maybe you just dont know how to express those feelings. Because its scary, feeling things you have never felt before. Its scary. And you dont know how to put those feelings into words, and when the people around you think its hopeless, when they stopped to try, you are alone, once more.

Pernah rasa perasaan your chest is tight, you cant breathe properly, your stomach's empty not bcos of hunger walaupun baru sudah melantak laksa 2 pinggan, and you are tired, so tired that as soon as you come home you just lay down on the bed and covered your face with a pillow so that no one knew what face you are making underneath it all, or what you are doing at the moment.

And all you can tell the people you love is;

'Please dont stop giving hope, please dont stop trying, please dont get fed up.'

Because its not that you dont want to change, it just takes time. Changes takes time.

And you can just hope that you can change just in time, before everything falls apart.

*sigh*

Regards, Qila