Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Strawsberrys

Salam :)

Hari ni adalah hari free bagi saya tapi hari kelas untuk Gee. He is supposed to have English Uni class and also Welding Metallurgy. Tapi kelas Welding cancelled due to many of my classmates that went for the walk in interview at UTP so dia pegi kelas English sahaja. The class ended around 130 and we went to have our lunch at, at last, Anjung Keli yayyy. Walaupun lauk favourite saya takde, keli goreng sambal and bergedil tak ada, tapi takpe sebab sambal hijau dia dah cukup untuk saya hee. Thanks love :)

So after makan we dunno where to go, tapi sebab bf saya SWEET :D he knows I want to spend time with him kitorang pun pergi la bundle sekejappp sebab he got works to do, bills to pay. Lgpun I myself akan sgt risau kalau dia drive sorang2, especially when its dark. Dah la sekarang musim hujan petang2.

So got myself 2 new toys.. Tak bg nama lagi hehe.

The yellow one aree so cuteeeee. Macam suruh saya amik dia je heheh. Yang hijau Gee pilih. Kawan tertel saya kat atas katil :)

Then around 3++pm gerak nak balik and before thatttt, *sebab nak spend time a little bit moreee heee* kitorang pun pegi Petronas to beli dadih sedapppp. Kat sini lah kejutan berlaku. Masa bayar mintak dengan akak kaunter, sudu utk makan.. Then dia boleh cakap 'Sudu tak ada dik, tu yang akak letak straw tu' sambil senyum bangga sebab dapat solution utk ganti sudu dengan straw. Macam Eureka! Rasa gerammmm je tapi nak kata apa. Haihhhh. So hari ni kitorang makan dadih pakai straw. Gee cakap sedap jugak. Grrrrr.

Us makan dadih pakai straw. "SEDAP"

Then after dadih session baru lah betul2 pulang. Haih. Will see him again tomorrow i'Allah.. Sekarang, nak prepare untuk presentation esok. Chaiyooooooo.

Regards,Qila

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Just as long as I got you right here by me

One of my favourite pics. Sebab muka Gee yang senonoh. Hahahaahaha. Tapi resolution yg x best. Nebermind :)

Hujan2 jadi jiwangz karats plak. Auwwwww.

Regards, Qila

Of thoughts

Salam. :|

Baru balik dari lab. Hmm tersalah ingat hari. Dah konfius jam kelas walau nak habis sem dah. It was funny. At first. Td tak sempat nk lunch. Lapar, tapi.. Takpelah, diet untuk hari ni. There's always a bright side of everything. Always. Kalau lapar sangat pun turun la pergi cafe, bukan jauh sgt kan. Teringin makan kat Anjung Keli lagi, tapi hari ni tak de rezeki. Lepas2 ni maybe. Umur panjang sure boleh makan lagi kan? Lagipun Alhamdulillah makan breakfast tadi. Alas perut.

Hmm. apa nak buat kalau kita rasa yang kita fikir adalah what's best for someone, and kalau kita paksa, marah, push atau something2, kita tau untuk kebaikan and kita sanggup kena marah, kena cop sebagai orang jahat, sebab kita rasa that person akan sedar sooner or later apa yang kita buat bukan utk susahkan dia, bukan untuk dajalkan dia, bukan untuk cari gaduh tapi untuk kebaikan dia. Macam mana nak cakap? Kadang2 rasa buat macam ni tak efektif, sebab ni bukan drama, bukan ada orang akan dengar apa yang kita cakap dalam hati dan tolong sampaikan kat orang tersebut and lepas tu orang tu sedar yang niat kita baik and it ends happily ever after. Tak. Ni bukan drama. So kalau ni bukan drama, u just have to face the consequences la, apa yang kau buat akan jadi punca gaduh dan salah faham. Dan selagi kau tak cakap niat murni kau yang mula2 kau nak sorok, tapi terpaksa bagitahu last2, that other person takkan faham, and benda takkan selesai. Pesanan penaja sekali lagi, Qila, ni bukan drama.

So what's a person like me to do when benda ni jadi? Jom tgk checklist:
  1. Dah cuba clearkan keadaan? Check.
  2. Dah cuba bagi alasan kenapa buat macam tu? Check.
  3. Dah pulihkan keadaan? Not yet.
Maybe I shouldn't think too much about others. Tapi tak boleh. That's not me. Tak guna kalau nak buat jahat, nak jadi orang lain kalau hati tak senang, conscience sentiasa dalam kepala. What's the use? Jadi diri sendiri sudah. Kan?

Regards, Qila

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Accidents.

Salam :|

A lil bit tired. Letih sebab tak cukup tidur semalam. So I had my first experience of an accident. I mean a major one. The one I was involved in last year was mild, compared to this I think. I was lucky that time. Lebam and bruises je. Last night, a friend's car flipped over, and we were right behind them. Lepas selekoh dah tak nampak diorang, tengok belah kanan nampak the car terbalik with the wheels still pusing2 like crazy. I was with Gee, and I panicked. Terus pandang bawah. He u-turned, and bila dia dah berhenti kat kereta tu, saya cabut seatbelt, put my head between my knees and lost control. Meraung, menangis, shaking. Dah tak boleh control. I totally panicked. Gee was worried, tapi he need to check on our friends first. Alhamdulillah, semua oke. Although ada mangsa keadaan at that time, the car hit a bike with 2 ppl. Tapi yang penting, semua selamat.

And there was this one thing that worries us. But I know we will be okay. We will.

Still tired, and cant think of anything.

Regards, Qila

Thursday, March 25, 2010

You, you you

Salam :)

Kenyang. Atau dalam bahasa Trg nya se'eh. Hahah. Makan nasi ayam kat RFC(semata2 sebab aircond, believe me bila saya cakap Perlis panas) around 530pm, then had dinner at 930pm.. Tak berapa sempat nak hadam, tapi habis jugak hahahahaa. Sedap oke! :) So sekarang rasa nak bergulung macam ular sawa tapi cuba utk menggigihkan diri supaya mata terbukak. Hm, japg makan eskrem. Nyammmmm. :D

Tahniah kepada Gee kerana telah aktif kembali dalam Fb, selepas umm, berapa hari ye awak away? 10 hari ye? Hahaha. So, saya berjaya menjadi org yang mencomment first, dapat hadiah apa? Hahaha.

Oke lets be serious shall we? Hmm, reading, knowing about a friend's breakup is making me looking things at a different view. I mean, relationships, what is the expiry date? Do they even have one? I dont think so. I mean, if you love someone, then you'll make it work, you'll do anything, as long as the other party do love you too. You could think you are his other half, and he is yours, but what if he found someone better? Do you fight for him, or you let him go, hoping he'll be happy when you are f-ing suffering? Like me and Gee, after graduating, Ill be living in the east, while he'll be up in the north. Although for me distance is never a problem, it'll take extra efforts, because it will never be the same like we're experiencing now. But then that's what we called developing the relationship, right? Its a different phase and Ill pray we'll always remember what's right, and what's wrong. Kan?

Sambung lain hari, Im having fun ni. Dgr ada orang nyanyi lagu. Selamat Malam. Awwww. Utk saya ke? Nak suruh tido la ni? Ngaaaaaa :D

Regards, Qila

Sunday, March 21, 2010

LAla lalaLA

Salam :)

So how was your weekend? Mine? Permulaan weekend yang sucks like hell sebab misunderstanding dengan Gee (well its not misunderstanding actually, lebih kepada World War with bombs, missiles and all explosive thingys, thats how bad it is), borang2 OMRs (surveys and what nots, bodoh betul, cakap lah nak buat survey takde la saya nak pakai baju cantik2 and bazirkan one whole day doing O f-ing MRs forms), pergi kelas yang harusnya 3 jam tapi jadi 2o minit shj (actually the class was CANCELLED tapi dear lecturer FORGOT to mention it and instead ask us to isi evaluation forms for the other lecturers. Owh sweet, so very sweet). It was a good thing that my problem with Gee was slowly cleared up *I admit, it was my fault, never to trust a friend that much again, esp when its a GUY*, and I got to see him for a few nanosecs *exaggerating* with his sisters and cousins. That made my whole Friday. And Saturday was quite fun, AT THE BEGINNING *why am I writing caps ni? owh Im trying to prove a point haha* I was asked to join the bowling team (because someone back out, I was not first choice, euw qila whats with the attitude haha). I never played more than 2 games for bowling, and during that 2 games I can throw straight like half only. So when they said I have to play 4 games, I was like DANG, you certainly picked the wrong girl. Well macam biasa I was f-ing right sebab after the first two games, my score was like 47 and 27. That was after the 10 throws. So muka dah macam pompuan gila and even the guys at my next lane are looking at me dengan muka * Alah kesian dia..* Grrrr.

So as predicted, we got no medals, for girls team and boys team and I vowed to myself that I will never volunteer for any bowling events, ANYMORE. Sorak boleh, masuk, hell no! Malukan diri sendiri, euw! After the match it was close to 3pm, solat dekat Masjid Zahir, and went to Tesco. Not sure of what to eat, we all ate KFC. Owh, kenderaan rasmi pada hari tu adalah Mini Cooper Kel-isa warna oren with a Kelantan number so cuba lah cari haha. It was fun melayan pemandu tersebut all the way from Kgr-AOR and AOR back to Kgr. Gee was away to KL, that explains why he wasnt there. Maybe tu la sebab saya baling senget kot. He wasnt there :( Gedik lah qila hahah.

So arrived home at 5pm, full and contented. Bermalas2 atas katil and watching summore movies. Ahh the life of indulgence. Malam tu tidur awal and as usual, fell asleep while texting Gee. Sorrrrryyy panggilan bantal adalah tak dapat dielak. I tried you know, I really tried :D

So comes Sunday, laundry day. Basuh baju, kemas bilik and meja. Nasib baik, roomate balik hari ni, malu kalau dia tgk bilik bersepah. Dah la kipas say fixed kena kat saya je. Hahha. Sorryyy :D

Ni malam sambung tgk movie lagi? Boleh? Hahah.

Regards, Qila

Friday, March 19, 2010

a pic.


i love this.

just that i hope we'll get more than just a girl. and all of them will be successful, like we are heading towards now. ini bukan entri tentang angan2. ini entri tentang cita2.
ini entri yang akan jadi kenyataan.
I'Allah.

This is Ours.

This is Ours

Chasing you and frozen peeking stars,
Stupid conversations in your car,
Shaping clouds with our own fingers,
Ill make a wish and you'll make yours..

Lets go back to the place where we stop the time,
Pretending we are driving to the sky,
Living everything we're told to do,
The time is ours, the time is me and you..

Lets do it all again before we get to old,
Lets do it all again before we drive ourselves away, from each other

This is ours

Missing.

Salam :|

What a morning. Havent eat anything for 24 hours. Haha. Housemates dah tegur kenapa muka pucat. I just tell them 'Tak brapa sihat'. Although I know they know Ive got problems bcos I have been curling up on my bed for hours yesterday. Dan breakfast pagi ni is Far gtalking me, saying that I missed TITAS test semalam. Cuai nya saya. Tak alert. Dan sekarang I have to make things right by seeing the lecturer, and study like hell for TITAS. Kenyang perut dapat berita macam tu. I guess all I can do now is screwing things up. And Im good at it. I cant even say sorry right. Even when I write I tend to hurt someone. How f-ing pathetic kalau saya macam tu? Sgt2 pathetic la kan?

Blog ni dah jadi tempat condemn diri sendiri. Well I guess I deserve that much. Tak guna betul update banyak tapi isi sama ja. Haha. Ketawa je lah walau tak larat nak ketawa dah.

Ill get through today. I will.

Regards, Qila

Happy birthday, Ayah

Salam :|

These eyes havent been dry since X pm today. And its still wet until I dont know when. Well, bengkak eyes are the 'in' thingy now. Yayy.

Happy birthday to dear Ayah, you dont know how much I long to celebrate today with you. Havent been able to celebrate for more than 3 years, and Im sorry for that. I still remember your birthday last year when I was in Jkt, I cried like nobodys bussiness because I miss home so much. Now I feel the same way. Qila care for you a lot, love you a lot and need you a lot. B strong like you always do, help me solve my problem like you always do, give me advices like you always do. All the health in the world, and pray that Ill someday make you and Ibu proud, no matter how long it takes. I love you.

Here's me, sending the love for the 2 most important men in my life. Azman T.A and Mohd Azizi M.R. I just wish they get the love Im sending, specially for them.

Regards, Qila

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Lie to me with style, heart.

Salam :(

When tears could no longer make me calm, when all I can see is the colour black, when everything has become the past instead of the future, when all promises are now just words.. When every little sound has become silent, and every scent is just a smell. It makes you hopeless.

And I just realized I got dry skin when Im stressed. All I want right now is to go home, and perhaps forget everything, because truly, I can not take this anymore. Ibu, Qila penat. I cant control anything anymore, not even myself. This is not me.

I did tell myself, this heart will not break. I almost believe those words. And it started to feel like a lie.

Regards, Qila

it was my fault, no it wasnt.

Salam :(

Well let me blame it on the PMS thingy why I become so easily boiled, so short tempered and stuff. Or let me just blame myself for not opening the damn car door and just hopped off at 80km/h. And let me just tell you, that I am not prepared for every situation, that I am not trained to see the future, and I am f-ing dont want bad things to happen to myself. But like a problem magnet, I attract them like hell. So excuse me for bringing problems into people lives, and if you think I am proud, am happy, am enjoying myself for being this way, well you are wrong.

Is this the stage where 22 year olds go through before they really, I mean really will be successful in life? Where the stress is at maximum level, and u feel like you can do nothing except blowing hateful words to people around you, where you just do wrong things, at wrong times? Where you will be at your lowest low, and when you look around, hell, your friends are not there, your boyfriend is not there, and you could tell things to your family but they are 500kms away from you, but you choose not to tell them because you are afraid they will get on the car and speed like hell just to get to you, and if anything happens to them you are the reason? Can u f-ing cope with that? Can you? Because I know I f-ing cant.

And before you start to judge me by being a dependent person, let me just tell you. I am not. I am used to do things my way, I am used to be alone, I am used to help myself in anyway other people cant. I have lots of skeletons in my closet, and boy, nobody can open them, even if you have the key. There's more that this pretty little head holds, more than anyone know. And I dont blame people for giving up, bcause perhaps, I have given up a long time ago. Just I pretend I am going on, pretending as long as I can. Yes, that f-ing make a pretender, a fake and what else, come on give me names! I know you want to. Bring it lah.

At this exact moment I am still considering going back to my hometown, to everything thats neutral, to where I know I never could be wrong. To a place where I would be fully myself, where my parents think I am right like most of the time, and will give me spaces to do mistakes, so I could learn things, learn how to live, by experience. If I could just run, if I have the ability to go places, the one place I could feel safe is that blue room, inside that grey house. With the 2 person Id die for, which are ibu and ayah. Damn I miss them much.

So due to the FB status, Dalia and I am ym-ing together, catching up. Thanks bff, you make me cry because I never knew that one question ' r u oke?' could makes me feel so loved. Make me feel so warm. I love u girl.

This entry is not subjected to anyone. You is subjected to nobody. Who that matters is the character 'I'. ME.

Regards, Qila

Friday, March 12, 2010

memories.

Salam. :)

Dalam keadaan mengantuk, dan contented. Sebab perut kenyang makan sate. Makan pulak dengan the bf fuhhhhh lagi la tambah selera. Ceyy. Hee :) Mencuba untuk tidak membayangkan hari2 selepas tamat pengajian, di mana saya akan melakukan pelbagai perkara, without him by my side. Such a shame we get to know each other better a lil bit late, tapi if its meant to be, it will happen. Oke so this is not an entry about saya dan bf hua3, its about something that happen exactly a year ago. Lets start k? :)


A year ago at this exact moment, me, Anis, Amir and Aina sedang dinner with Sten, Lingga and Pak Endang at Grogol's food court. Makan malam pertama di Jakarta. Tak sangka sekejap je 1 tahun. Hari2 pertama kat sana memang terasa asing, rasa homesick, rasa nak balik. It took me around a month to adapt myself. Bulan kedua dah boleh menyamar, bulan ketiga I feel so at ease, I dreaded going home. The people, the environment, I fell in love.

Dem I miss Jakarta a lot. I'Allah ada rezeki Ill b going there again.

Lah tak banyak pun nak cite. Aqila yang hampeh. Sebab banyak sgt memories. X larat sangat. Letih.

Regards, Qila

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I can do this

Salam :|

Life sangat hectic sekarang. I know, I know, I probably been saying this thousand of times before, tapi ni hectic yang makan jiwa dan raga, mental dan fizikal. Its  not that saya tak biasa dengan keadaan sibuk, busy dan sewaktu dengannya, tapi this gotta be the worst. Juggling like 4-5 things at a time, makes me very2 tired. Dan tired tu cuma hilang kalau saya boleh spend time dengan orang2 yang buat saya happy. Teman2, boyfriend. Dalam erti kata lain, saya nak lebih banyak jam dalam satu haru, and make the day lasts longer than the night. Hehhe, berangan.

Dan bila sesuatu yang dibuat atas alasan untuk bersuka2, menjadi serius, it is not fun anymore. And bila fun tu hilang, I am physically dragging myself to do it. Dan bila terjadinya hal2 macam tu, tak mungkin cukup 100% effort yang saya kasi. So serves you right, when things dont go your way. :p

Saya ni adalah seorang yang simple. Apa yang anda janji, itu yang saya ingat. Anda janji have fun, jadi bila saya tak rasa fun, saya mengamuk lah. Saya tak berapa suka diatur. Nak atur2 boleh, asal saya rasa sesuai dengan jadual saya, saya silakan anda mengatur2. Tapi kalau dah mengganggu time saya rehat, bercinta dan membuat perkara yang lagi mustahak selain dari benda yang pada mulanya saya VOLUNTEER, that is just not right anymore. Saya ada hak nak pilih apa yang saya nak buat. Kan?

Playing tennis for the first time yesterday was niceee. Hahahaa. Kalah tie break 9-8 but then for first timer macam saya, agak membanggakan lah :D i likeeeeee. Nak main lagiiiii. Hahah.

Am seeing the SV today, fuhh. Kupu2 dalam perut. Tak tahu nak fikir apa. Insya Allah oke. Tu je la boleh cakap. Hmm.

The bf kat kedai seat, pasang seat baru for his event weekend ni. Wish I was there with him. I love seeing him in his element, doing his thing. Kerugian apabila tak dapat tgk dia in action this weekend sbb clash dgn basket ball. :( Yang penting selamat, tu je. Ada rezki boleh kami tgk kan? :)

Test akaun Jumaat ni. Adui. Bole mereng nii.. Huuu. I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this. Hahaah.

Regards, Qila

Monday, March 8, 2010

Nyamz

Salam :)

Just got back and Im smelling like a flower (pls notice the sarcasm ya? haha) dan menunggu housemate selesai mandi terasa sangat la seksa sebab bahang yang panas, and I hate myself smelling like this. Perlu mandi, harus, WAJIB!

Malam ini ada plan dengan pacar.. Nak tau apa? Yaaaaa kami akan membuat report FYP bersama2 hahaha. Bersama2 tapi bersama2 dalam erti kata buat kerja la, kerana saya di sini dan dia, di sana. Wuwuwuwu. Tapi takpe, moral support tu yang penting kannnnn? :D So chaiyo2 to us, and I know we both can do this. Hoyeahh! Lepas selesai 1 chapter kita 3G, okey takk? Sounds nice kan? Hee can't wait! For the 3G part I mean hee :)

And saya juga nak buat report cepat2 sebab nak sambung tengok Beethoven Virus yang hmm addictive kot? Cettz Im hooked on Korean, again haih.

So akan ada anniversary 12 March ni, and its a very special one to me, sebab it involves a lot of people that I really care about and grew to love during the time we were together. Nope, its not about boyfriends( wassup with the plural? haha), its about friendship that Ill never get anywhere else, at any other time, at any costs. It was a one time shot, and Ill remember 12 March like, for the next 10 years haha. So tunggu 12 March okay for the full story. Haha.

Am getting used to my old anklet, I love the bell. Cuma it tends to get stucked to my flats and it hurtssss. So I have to stop now and then to untangle it. Annoying. Berhenti tiba2 and angkat kaki kiri to untangle it. Ish, malas betul. Lagi pelik kalau ada orang kat belakang, tiba2 brek sebab saya brek jugak. Haha. Dont kiss my arse okayyy haha

So housemate pun dah kuar dari kamar mandi, Im going in pulak. Da daaa.

Regards, Qila

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Ruins.

Salam :(

When you spent a lifetime trying to figure out things on your own, you tend to try and solve your problems by yourself. Trying to figure out what feelings you are feeling at a time. You just know it sure dont feel good, and it affects the people around you, the people you love, the people that you swore to yourself you will try to make them happy, happier than you have ever been, the people you care about. But when you try to do things by yourself, people feel like you are shutting them out, it doesnot mean that you are ignoring their efforts, perhaps maybe you just dont know how to express those feelings. Because its scary, feeling things you have never felt before. Its scary. And you dont know how to put those feelings into words, and when the people around you think its hopeless, when they stopped to try, you are alone, once more.

Pernah rasa perasaan your chest is tight, you cant breathe properly, your stomach's empty not bcos of hunger walaupun baru sudah melantak laksa 2 pinggan, and you are tired, so tired that as soon as you come home you just lay down on the bed and covered your face with a pillow so that no one knew what face you are making underneath it all, or what you are doing at the moment.

And all you can tell the people you love is;

'Please dont stop giving hope, please dont stop trying, please dont get fed up.'

Because its not that you dont want to change, it just takes time. Changes takes time.

And you can just hope that you can change just in time, before everything falls apart.

*sigh*

Regards, Qila

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Bas-ket, ball

Salam :)

Saya kini mengalami sedikit kekejangan di bahagian peha berikutan aksi2 mendebarkan dan latihan intensif untuk sukan basket ball. Sakit kottt. Tadi try main half time = 20 minutes pun I can see starssssss. I still can see them mind you. Haih. Stamina, tadak. Sedih.

So waktu ber-dating telah di catu sebab komitmen saya dalam team basketball PPK. Uwaaaa. Sedih oke. Waktu ber-dating hanyalah sehingga jam 6 petang shj sehinggalah hari pertandingan tersebut. Sampai kolej tuka baju and seluar, pakai kasut terus turun MAIN. My days are so full nowadays, cuma malam2 je rehat sikit, tu pun kena settle kan all those works and then off to sleep. Gila awal tido sekarang. Letih plus panas bahang yang toottt. Sabar. Bertabah. Tapi the main point di sini adalah waktu ber-dating telah menjadi singkat. This is so not fairrrrrrrr :(

Pening kepala. Grrr. Later.

Regards, Qila