Hell talks

Dear blog,

How are you? Im fine btw, not really fine, but still breathing, and I thank God for that. I am at the mo is sick, well biasalah flu, batuk and demam. With super headache. And my gums are swollen too. Set Komplit. Who could ask for more? :)

I finished my exams, but then, the sense of being free is not that liberating. I left half of my exams sheets empty and I know the lecturers will be quick with my sheets, its that empty. Well, its done. I dont have anyone else to blame it on but myself. Blog, never blame anyone else tau. Kalau something happens, blame yourself first. Maybe You are the reason it happens. And never be ashamed of saying sorry. It is allowed. And apologizes should always be accepted, because you never knew how hard for a person to just say the word 'SORRY'. So think of the other person efforts too okay?

Lately I have been whining a lot. And I have tell it all to you. That is not me, whining all the time. I hope I wont be that person forever. Because it may make some people hate me. I hate people hating me. I keep on thinking that sometimes, we do what we do. We just do. We dont need to think why we do this, why we do that. Should we keep explaining ourselves? Especially when its involving someones life, heart, feeling? The term is 'menjaga hati'. What people dont know, wont hurt them, the phrase is not wrong, kan?

I have been living 22 years of not explaining every single thing that I do. I just do. But perhaps in the 22nd year of my life, I need to start explaining. Explaining is a hard job y'all. Macam kerja cikgu. Its tough okay. My mum is a teacher, and she comes home exhausted every single day because her energy has been sucked out while giving knowledge to the hyperactive kids. I guess I hate explaining. I was never a talker, thats why I sucked at public speaking, or impromptu speech. I hate explaining. And I never had too much idea about things. I dont know how to elaborate and piece things together. So thats a career I have to cross out. Private Investigator.

There I go again, whining away. Guess the new me is staying here for a while after all. My mum used to say I am her most stubborn child, and I myself know, that trait is improving by the years.

So blog, just finishing and I just wanna say, Chill lah.

Regards, Qila