The past, approx 5 years ago.

Salam :)

It was my matriculation sem break, 5 years ago. I didnt remember the exact date, but I remember the time and the emotions perfectly. It was during lunch, ayah just got back from work. I rushed downstairs as I always did, to greet him and to prepare our lunch, shop bought of course hehe. He called me and excitedly gave me this envelope, well it looked very official to me. With UiTM stamped on the left corner of the envelope. I was excited too, perhaps its the offer letter Ive been waiting for, the one that will save me from matriculation, because to be honest, Ive had a HARD time coping there. It was actually an offer letter for Diploma in Civil Engineering. I was sooooo happy, until I finally digested where I am sent. It was in Kampus Samarahan. The feeling was gone in a poof. I love the course, but am I willing to be that far away, will I be okay there? For my parents, the offer was just a back up plan, but for me it was my ticket to be release from matric. The matric was not that bad, its just that I cant coped, I actually got Fs for tests and I cant believe I got that particular letter. I wasnt a straight A student mind you, but I am not failing either. To get F, its just plain depressing. :(

Iv written to UiTM, formally to change my campus, but then they said I have to study there for at least 1 sem, and then they will probably transfer me. I cant take that risk, nothing is certain, so I put UiTM at the back of my mind, packed my bags and left for Gambang.

Sometimes I wonder, what if I go for the offer, leave everything in the peninsular and start over. Will I get transferred after 1 sem? The only reason I applied for UiTM is because I wanted an easy way out, a new start and hopefully nearer to my friends and boyfriend back then. I realized with each passing days, months and years, it was my heart talking, not my head thinking. I was 17 at that time, and luckily, my parents showed me the pro and cons. Well there is no pros actually, only cons. So UiTM no more.

After finishing matrics, and gotten the results, I am glad I stayed for the rest of the year. Not becos I aced my exams. My results were catastrophic. It was reallllllyyy badddd. But I realized, I still have my friends, matrics and those in the UiTM, I broke up with my boyfriend back then which I would leave matrics for(ultimate stupidity), and I have grown so much more. At 17, relationships are often build based on companionship, when both of the parties are not in the same class anymore, whats left is just the memories, and at 17, that wouldnt last long.

So now, 5 years later, after finding the same envelope being buried under 10 layers of books and papers, I could say I did not regret saying NO to UiTM. I am having my convocation in less that 3 weeks, I got family, loved ones, friends all around me. I have my whole life in front of me. I am contented. Perhaps that is not my rezeki to go to the uni, but maybe in the future, who knows. :)

Regards, Qila